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Harnessing the idea of seasons can be particularly helpful when couples start a family. Yet get through those first few winters of despondency and there will more than likely be the spring of renewal and love rediscovered. Accept that your partner is fallible Expecting someone to be everything you need and everything you are not is a recipe for disaster. Instead of attacking your partner for their laziness, show your true feelings. Here is her advice on how to move on after an affair. It is about understanding and learning to talk about hot subjects without getting heated. So often, things can be resolved by learning to listen.
Make an effort with the people in your partner's life Credit: Arrange time without the children When you have kids you adore, find time to be just you alone so you remember and remind each other of who you were before they arrived, who you are now, and who you will be when they are gone. We see all the budding possibilities and are excited to be accepted by such a wonderful and perfect person. A couple that can laugh together, even mid-row, is in a healthy place. Harnessing the idea of seasons can be particularly helpful when couples start a family. It is about facing difficulties and eventually becoming wise. Learn to spend time alone Developing a relationship with yourself, deepened by solitary pursuits, hobbies and taking time out from work and relationships, will pay huge dividends with your partner. Rather than fearing getting older, remember that many couples in a long relationship find these to be their happiest years together. From stopping snooping to shutting up, here is her advice. If you have managed to surf the ups and downs of bringing up children, work and making ends meet all within the same relationship, the rewards can be great. Keep yours smooth by remembering birthdays and anniversaries, by butting out of family disputes, and by never forcing your partner into the position of taking sides with you against their mother, father or siblings — those relationships go back a long way. Appreciate what life still has to offer while you can The great wonder of middle age is that we know our time is now limited. From ignoring right and wrong to argument enders, here are her five tips. Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be. Here is her advice on how to move on after an affair. But if you can both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you and why, you are more likely to understand each other better. We may carry the hurt from past relationships, so we protect ourselves by trying to appear in control. Unfaithful partners must work hard to produce bold, humble, heartfelt acts of repair and take responsibility for the harm they caused. An ally in the family can also fill in aspects of the past that may help you to understand your partner. That moment when you exchange a look and end up laughing, often over a shared memory, is the best way to understand each other again. You and your partner are dynamic creatures. Easier said than done, but important. Hurt partners must work hard to encourage their partner to make good, take a share of responsibility for what created a space between them, and allow the injury to recede into the backdrop of their lives. The qualities that make a loving partner are the same qualities that make a loving person. Make conscious effort Realise that it is in moments of restlessness and upheaval that you find out who you are and what it truly means to love. This is time to take off any pressure to perform and to put aside expectations for high performance and orgasms. Both partners need to reach out with tenderness and compassion, recognising they may each feel vulnerable and raw.
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