Dating areas of campatibility
Basically you need to be on the same page about bottom lines and priorities — credit card balances, budgets, savings accounts — but also priorities — traveling vs. Can I throw myself into work even if that sometimes means traveling or working 80 hours a week? Indeed, it is no accident that many who harbor victim mentalities come out of abusive relationships only to enter into another such relationship. It is also about values: You know how cute you found his cluttered and messy apartment those first few weeks? Sure, Republicans do marry Democrats, Jews do marry Christians, but there are certain issues that you do want to be on the same page about: There may be a certain mannerism that you like—the way he or she smiles, the tone of voice, the facial expressions. Do this long enough, add in mutual accommodating, and you can wind up with a distorted view of your compatibility.
Two people who are ego-centered are not likely to get along. These are important things to me. From this value many other derivative values follow such as the wrongfulness of white collar crime. More importantly perhaps, can you both recircle, return and repair, have sane conversations later and actually put the problem to rest? How other-regarding are you and your significant other? This does not mean that you must have the same IQ, that is, ability to solve problems. For example, you can cultivate more shared interests, work on your temperaments, and work on communicating more authentically. The experience is vicious yet thrilling, and will never let you forget that we are, after all, animals. Thus one may be better in the sciences while another in the arts. Like money, talking about your own personal sexual desires and needs may be challenging. However, from my experience, there are usually not too many dealbreaker areas of incompatibility in a marriage. Then, any differences in how the partners choose to spend money will become highlighted and can lead to tremendous hostility. Speak up, get them on the table. Family issues can be very sensitive, hot-button topics, and can benefit from introspection and counseling targeted toward helping a person see the impact of their behavior on their relationship. Nevertheless, using the standards I have provided here, you can come to a clearer understanding about how compatible you are. Can you handle it without taking it personally? What happens to a lot couples when dating is they fall into dating activities — movies, concerts, eating out, partying with friends on weekends, lots of drinking , lots of sex — and down-time is essentially crashing from all this and watching NCIS marathons together on the couch. High levels of chemistry with major incompatibilities is bad news. Can you increase your functional compatibility ratio? The passive individual may even seek out a dominant partner. I regularly find myself seeing teachers, nurses, social workers, volunteer workers, etc. And instead of realizing that their husbands may just be trying to save face in an arena where they know they may fail, wives often believe that their husbands are just "cold" or incapable of intimacy. Who works for you? Compatibility usually corresponds to the long-term potential between two people. All this is fine …to a point. A priest and a stripper have a major incompatibility and I doubt many end up dating each other. It is not likely that your relationship will flourish if you do not like each other.
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